Essential Virtual Networking Etiquette w/ Deborah King

 Hey, simple, passive cashflow listeners. As you guys know, we are not doing the retreat this year in Hawaii. Unfortunately, a lot of you guys had a lot of fun office, back in the beginning of the year, but we’re taking it virtual this year and NBA style. We’re calling it the bubble.

We, if you guys want to learn more about this, go to simplepassive, but I wanted to, have a guest today, Deborah, who is basically, runs a charm school for professionals and she was going to help me out, and give everybody some tips on in this world of digital networking.


And we’ll also get into some professional networking etiquette, too. how do we extract the most value of, people are going to be coming into this bubble and it’s not cheap. And the people coming here and we’ll see, going to be accredited investors that A-list, that I’m going to curate and not everybody’s going to be allowed to attend this meeting.


A lot of you guys have said, I don’t have anybody in my network that invest in real estate or invest the people on the internet. I need to build a network. this is the time to do it. So how do you make the best use of the time? this event is going to be a lot of networking and in small intimate groups or even one-to-one with a guided topics.


So we’re not just staring out into the camera, , , , you got Debra on, she runs a charm school for professionals. I got connected with her. She’s not some just random guests. It’s someone I’ve actually worked with. I think a few years now when I was up in Seattle, she does these cool, in-person trainings that, yeah, it seems so long ago and you’d be able to do things in person, but she runs some in Texas and Seattle.


And, we’ll get into that a little bit, , but yeah. Thanks for jumping on. Appreciate having you. Oh, my pleasure. It’s so good to be with you and excited to learn more about your group and, what you’re doing it. you’re doing some incredible work and building a network of people, which is the whole key.


Isn’t it building networks of people that we can collaborate with and, do business with. I think I told you this earlier, like most of the people in my group are introverts myself included. that’s why I tried, I’m always like cognizant of connecting other people.    Cause I don’t like talking, I’d rather just connect to people.


So I can just into that vanish and go away and have them talk. So I don’t have to talk. I’ll do it. I’ll get it in front of the stage if I have to. But that’s what I prefer. And I think that’s what the bubble mastermind is going to be all about. But, yeah,  let’s start off with some general things.


the world is changing. What are some key things that you’ve been teaching your students, this past year that can help out the listening. we can dive into specific scenarios. 2020 has been a year. Hasn’t it? I think we’ve all been stretched to do things outside of our bubble and whatever we had done previously.


Maybe some of those things weren’t working quite the same way, or we needed to adapt some new skills in order to successfully move into the world we’re living in right now. as you noted all of my classes, everything I had done pre COVID. Was all in person we met together. It was face-to-face, I’m pretty strong believer that the best way we learn social skills is in a social environment.


And so we had to move that physical environment here into a virtual platform. And we’ve done that this year. but I am looking forward to the day where. We will resume, to face-to-face because I do think that’s most important. I think one of the things I saw this year unfold was, not only the heightened.


Realization for the need of social skills. Reality is that,  the talent professionals today are saying that it takes, soft skills are really the reason why most people fail in their job, whether it’s their own business or they work in a business. And there was a LinkedIn survey just recently conducted that said, okay, That 92% of businesses and companies believe that it’s more important to hire for soft skills than it is for hard technical skills.


And I find that’s really interesting because in the 32 years I’ve been doing the work I do. I have worked with every type of individual and. We tend to think soft skills, social skills, or are common sense and people should just know this. It should just be intuitive and it truly isn’t. And so where do we invest our time and our money and our effort.


it’s in developing those technical skills and we do need them. I’m not minimizing those at all, but what really sets us apart and allows us to reach those highest levels of success. Are going to be social skills and the ability to create human connection. this year lane, we’ve heard a lot about what’s essential.


I’m sure you probably have there in Hawaii as well. this is an essential business. This is an essential fill in the blank. I firmly believe that the most important and most essential tool that any of us have is human connection. And it’s really backed up by science because human connection allows us to, be healthier physically, emotionally.


mentally and look at some of what, at least I know some people in this past year and clients that have contacted us that have really struggled with dealing with mental challenges and physical health issues. Because they are isolated. And we’ve seen an increase in alcohol abuse and drug abuse, and people either are really exercising a lot, or they have set exercising apart and you might’ve heard of the COVID 15 or 20 for some people, not the 15 and 20 we want, and sleep quality is impacted.


So not connecting socially. Really has, an impact on us and interestingly pre COVID. Do you know what the cost to us companies was for disconnection in the business world? Talk to tell, right? Yeah, it was over $500 billion pre COVID. I would love to see new research on that number. Now where we’re at today, because the more we have isolated and pulled apart from one another, it’s impacted  how productive we are in business and in what you’re doing.


and that is critical. Human connection is absolutely critical and it’s key to networking. Isn’t it? Yeah. and that’s what we want, but a little bit off the wires, like I tell a lot of investors, right? When you’re investing in private placements and syndication deals, or you’re trying to find that lawyer or tax accountant, different service provider, it’s all referrals.


This is a referral based business. And how do you find those referrals? But you have to find a pure passive investors. And build relationships with them or jump into my master bag. But that’s a paid thing, right? It’s a, it’s a bat cave for that. So there’s two ways about doing it.  The cheap ways just put on a smile and get along with people which doesn’t come naturally to most of my folks, right?


Most of us are technical type of sighted people. I think when we step back, one of the taglines for final touches, how do you want to be remembered? And that’s not just thinking about some people take it to the morbid side of when I’m dead. certainly there will all be remembered at that point in some manner, but how do you want to be remembered when you walk out of the room?


When you click in the meeting on your zoom call, when you got off the telephone or you just finished that email, how do you want to be remembered? That’s really quite powerful. That takes, a big picture approach to every single interaction that I have with one. Whether it’s going to be brief in passing, maybe at a networking event or on a zoom call where I just see a little face on a tile or it’s long and lasting, maybe it’s somebody that I really do work at setting up engagements and having other points of contact.


how do I want to be remembered? And it doesn’t matter if you’re an introvert or not. Actually, I used to be much more of an introvert than I am today. I would stand back and observe and watch people and, it took practice. All I had to do was learn some skills, practice those skills. And it became much easier.


And once I understood the why does it really matter? Why does it really matter? What’s hate to all of us say what’s in it for me, but what’s in it for us in creating those connections. And, for me, when I go into a networking event, I’m always looking lane for, do I really see others?


Because I think it’s easy for our brain to get focused on everything else that’s going on around us. all the distractions, is my phone beeping at me or vibrating or is it not? And I’m concerned about that. who’s in the room. Do I have the skill? I’m a little bit nervous stepping up and speaking up, but do I come fully prepared, fully present, fully ready to engage with the people that are there.


That’s important. And if I really do see others. And then I look for ways to connect with them virtually or in person. Then I’m beginning to create those relationships that are going to enable me to find the clients that I’m looking for and find the people that I need to connect with because in business, everything is about those relationships.


And some of the basics there is, show up, . Turn on the camera, turn off all of these. I have the four screens here. Turn them off. Stop typing stuff. Face the damn camera and playful out and interact. This is not, at least my meetings. Is this not like the workplace where if you say something stupid will not be considered for a promotion for five or 10 years, I guess people don’t even stay at a company for more than a couple of years, these days anyway.


But yeah,  this setting is at least my bubble mastermind and all my other events that I do. It’s a place where it’s time to be vulnerable, which gets very out of your social norms for your professional work setting. Because. People come in and they have to protect their reputation.


Yeah. Yeah. And I think. I, we all do business with those that we know we like, and we trust that’s just the bottom line. , if you’re a fan of Starbucks and you buy your coffee at Starbucks or your local coffee place, and you are loyal to that location, you’ll drive further, you’ll spend more and you will be more consistent, then to accompany that you don’t really know where you don’t have that commitment to.


So to your point,  do I know you. So you have to show up and went in this format, you have to show up on video. so often I see people turn off their videos and there are some companies that do require that just because of the technical load in that. So I get that, but when you can’t see a person.


It’s very difficult. You’ve hindered the amount of connection you’re going to be able to make. we make fast impressions about people in a blink of an eye, and it’s primarily based on how they dress, how they show up. what am I reading when I look at you and research shows that we gather over a dozen.


Really core values about an individual within a blink of an eye. So if  my visual picture is missing or I haven’t put effort into showing up with some thought in how I wanted to show up, I’m missing a really important moment and I’m going to be invisible to that group, even though I might add value vocally or in the chat box or  in another manner.


I’m sure it is. People make snap judgements. They do. And so I do I show up and then, so do you know me? And then I do I have likability. Is there something about that individual that is likable and, that comes across in some pretty easy ways? we are always looking to have those, have the hormone oxytocin fire off in our brain, and oxytocin is known as the connection hormone.


So when I see you, I immediately have some type of a response. And the response I want to have with another individual is a positive response, because I want to be able to create that oxytocin, which is a bonding hormone. It’s going to make us feel more connected. It’s going to create, like ability between the two of you and easy ways to do that is, smile.


A smile is so powerful, make eye contact and you can’t be looking down. And then this kind of a platform, a lot of times you’ll see people looking down or looking all around in, they’re not focused on what’s taking place. And it does take a little more effort. I do think in this format than it does face to face, frankly, but, do I really, show up?


so do I smile? Do I make eye contact? Am I fully present? Do I do something as simple as say hello? amazing. How many people don’t say hello or goodbye. Those are the two things I’m really always amazed by. Some of the research says that just as simple greeting of hello, how are you is really powerful and memorable.


Oh, and wear a decent shirt, right? Like you wear whatever you want underneath. Cause they don’t see it, but it’s fun. A decent shirt. That’s all I ask guys. But on a decent shirt, comb your hair, make sure that you look at least somewhat presentable given your audience, given your brand and how you want to be remembered.


Because you only have this little moment to do that.  . So do you, do you know me, do you, is there like ability there, something that makes you want a trigger that says, I want to get to know you a bit more or I want to be able to connect with you again and then last, do I trust you?


And again, oxytocin is that hormone that feel good hormone that does start to establish trust between two people really powerful and it helps to deepen our relationships and the connection and that bond so that you do think of that individual moving forward and a little bit of a tech tip here.


There’s a setting and Zune where , it can scrub your faces gives you makeup. Wow. So you guys are tech people, you guys can figure it out or Google letter. I’m sure there’s a YouTube video out there, but that can help, like you’ve got boogers under your eyes in the morning. I need to go find that it’s in there.


It’s in there.  So let’s move on to some more tactical tips once they get in the set, They’ve shown up, they’ve got their stuffs set. They’re smiling. And they got their cameras on. so one thing I got for a lot of people is the nice thing about this online settings, is like you get forced into the interaction.


It’s not like you’re him and hauling. I’m going to we’ll talk to him or her over there after walk over. It’s this is the beauty of virtual networking is I can force people into breakout rooms. And you’re stuck. You’ve got to do it, So there’s not that awkward feeling  the fear of approaching and starting that conversation.


But once you’re in the set, one tip I always have is yeah, you introduced yourselves, but it’s always about the other person help them out. Like one tip I’ve always followed for myself personally, is help out the other person first, which is why I do all these free onboarding calls to new investors is I’m just trying to add value to them.


In 15, 20 minutes. It’s a test, whoever reciprocates or stays around. That’s what food typically stays at my network for my circle. And so I would push that out there is like, when you get into a set with somebody or a few people learn what the other people are doing and see how you can add value means, add encouragement.


If you don’t know anything. give them a referral and articles, something you’ve heard, or maybe there’s somebody else in the group that you met five minutes ago, the day before that you can connect them with a way to add value. So you’re not just standing there spying, right? Yeah. you’re not a model or a statue.


and that’s,  part of connection because if I’m going to connect with you that it can’t just be this. Stoic stable face staring back at me. I have to give something to receive something. and we do, it’s the old  analogy of the farmer. You’ve got to go out and plant something before you can go out into the field and look for anything to harvest.


And so showing up smiling, engaging, asking about the other person. Get to know something about the other person. I have a friend a few years back and she used to say, if I ask somebody three questions about themselves or what they do, or the type of work they’re involved with, , and they never asked anything of me about me.


I write them off. Now that’s pretty harsh. I’m not personally going to take that stand, but it does make sense because it’s really a one-way street. And sometimes we do that because we’re nervous.  We know all the answers to our own story. I don’t necessarily know your story, but get good at having at least three good questions in your back pocket that you’ve thought about ahead of time.


So when you go into these types of settings, that you can start the dialogue and not feel uncomfortable. Now I can think of conversation. Lane is like playing tennis. if I hit a ball to you and you let it drop, I’m thinking you missed it. So I’ll serve you another ball. If you let it drop again, I might serve you another ball, but then I’m going to start saying you’re not a lot of fun to play tennis with.


 And that’s frustrating, right? All right, you’re listening to LAN and Deborah talk about these tips or asking questions, but it’s hard to do anything unless the other person is playing tennis, but you and being vulnerable, right?


Show your insecurities, tell people what you’re working on, what you don’t know. Maybe you haven’t heard about real estate professional assessment asks the freaking question because that’s how you hit the ball back over the net. And this is how it works. but it can be frustrating, right?


Debra, if you’re not in a place where people know how to swing the racket and get the ball over the net, right? and this is why I say it’s a waste of time to go to most. Local real estate club events or free online forums because you’re in a room with people who are all about themselves are selfish mindset and it’s all about what’s in it for them.


I’ve curated my group and people who come to my events. It’s a different type of crowd. mostly because I’ve gotten to help that people out of here. The people that don’t fit that aren’t this abundance mindset or not just in it for them, they’re gone. So I’ve set the culture in a way and curated the list to be decent tennis players here to spar with.


but that’s hard, right? It’s hard to practice with people who don’t know how to swing. It is. And then there’s the other side of playing tennis. So then you, I say to you Lang let’s go to the court again tomorrow. Let’s try again and you’re ready. So you’re there with your racket. And I stand on the other side of the net and just bounce the ball on my own racket.


And you’re saying, Debra, I thought we were going to play tennis and it’s we are. And you’re thinking if you were just going to bounce the ball in your own racket, you could have done that at home. And I didn’t need to even get dressed to show up. And that’s what I call a monologue. Not a dialogue.


When you ask somebody, how are you today? And they never stopped talking.  It’s all about them, as you just mentioned. And, Oh goodness. I’ve been to so many networking events where I’ve had people come up and shove their business cards on me and their books on me and their things and talk about what they’re doing.


And I walked away going, that’d be the last person in that field I’d ever hired. And those people typically never get anywhere. So there really isn’t much. Motivation to follow up there, being there. this is why my wife is like, why do you spend $25,000 to go to this? Like mastermind four times a year?


yeah, you don’t deal with people like that. There’s a reason why they’re in the wrong and they can afford that to it. The stuff, Yeah. Going to a dinner party to lane, you go to a dinner party. And if you sit down with a whole table of people that have nothing to share, it’s a really quiet, boring meal.


And you hope the food is really good. but if you come to the table and the food could be okay, maybe the environment’s okay. But. You’re sitting next to people on your right and your left, maybe across the table, depending on the size of it that are engaging and interesting and, sharing that’s a meal you leave not just fed physically, but you’re inspired mentally.


You’re encouraged and you walk away from that going. Wow. That was really an amazing night.  And you said it before, you said the word practice before, and it’s not like people , if they don’t do this, it’s not like they’re jerks or they’re horrible people. It may just be, they just don’t know how to do it.


Know all the time. I hear that all the time lane, that it’s all a matter of, gosh, I should know how to do this. I’m, 30 years old, 40 years, 50, 60 years old, I’m at this place in my career. Financially and I’m successful. And I can’t show up to this kind of a class because it’s been, make me look like I’m an idiot.


I should know this. Why would you know this over? I don’t know the real estate information, it’s not what I’ve studied. It’s not my area of expertise. So I don’t have any expectations on myself to know that same. Thing’s true about social skills. We only know what we know and we’ve only made it to the point we’ve made it because we have the skill level.


We have to go to that next level. You join mastermind groups, you go into other environments and you learn new skills so that you can boost every area of your life. And the exciting thing to me with social skills, it influences absolutely every part of our life. Yeah. . So let’s, kind of transition here to  some mistakes you’ve seen people make.


I’ll start off with one, give you time to think politics just don’t go there. I think I can agree with this, but here’s the funny thing. I think the majority. Of people who are normally not the talkers, they’re the listeners to the minority of people who go talk about left stuff, talk about rights stuff.


And the majority of people get this. So we’re talking to the minority of people who talk about this stuff and you guys know who they are. I’m so glad when,  I saw this at another very high level mastermind I’m in. we were finishing up the main talk and it was just Oh, this is a break time.


So a few people at the nominee chit-chat and I’m just sitting here doing my own thing, working on the computer and just listening and waiting for this next session to start. And there were like three very high level entrepreneurs. these are guys making over a million dollars a year and they got into this thing about some political discussion and I saw.


Three, very intelligent high-performing people and it just got derailed and they were never going to do business with each other ever, never, it wasn’t going to be a shot. And my takeaway from that was what is the purpose of having that conversation? Is it worth the risk for never working with each other in the future ever again?


And and that’s how do you want to be remembered? Correct. They will remember each other forever based on that political conversation they had, and it will frame up or destroy or undermine any potential business in the future. And we do that in so many ways. So politics definitely. And certainly in the last, I would say probably 10, 15 years.


Getting into politics is just bad news. It used to be in when I was younger, that we could have political conversations and we could agree disagree. We’d walk away and still be friends. And sadly, that’s just not what’s happening in this day and age,  it seems like so many of these social issues right now are just.


Highly charged. and I often encourage people to stay away from conversations that are emotionally charged or could potentially be emotionally charged because it does trigger. It’s not going to trigger oxytocin. I promise you, it’s going to create that divide. So you’re not going to create like ability you’re going to do exactly the office that I’ll know you, but I won’t like you.


And I certainly won’t do business with you. those emotionally charged, even talking about COVID right now for a lot of people. you bring up something about that and aspect of that, and that creates an emotional charge for people. Politics does it. so many issues that we’ve seen in the last couple of years have created really emotionally charged moments.


And so I always say, stay out of that. Territory find other conversations, starters that are going to be more engaging. one thing that I hear people say a lot when they first meet somebody is, where are you from? Have you ever heard that? And I used to say that all the time, Oh, where are you from?


And then I interacted with somebody that was, Not from, here they were from another country. And I sense that because they had an accent and so forth. but  they said, Deborah, that makes me feel really uncomfortable. And I said, tell me about that. And they said, when you asked me where I am, from what you’re saying without realizing it is, you’re saying I’m not from here.


So I’m not one of you. that wasn’t at all. What I was meaning, what I meant was I’m really interested in your, place of origin, your birthplace, or where your family grew up or where you may have grown up. And that was what was intriguing to me. Never entered my mind that maybe there was a seven message being sent to that individual that they’re not from here.


When I moved to Texas from Seattle, I would be in a store and people would say, where are you from? And I went, Oh, that’s what they mean because it was a very strong message. I wasn’t one of them, which is fine for me. I didn’t mind it, but that’s something to be mindful. So I’ve switched that language.


And now what I’ll say is where is home for you or have you always lived in Dallas? Is Dallas always been your home? Because everybody has a home. And everybody generally likes to talk about home. what kind of food did you grow up eating or that, and that has always, I found that it’s been received far more positively than where are you from?


Yeah. Yeah. it’s just part of this, it’s just the self-awareness right. And empathy. How does it come across? I know some people , it wouldn’t matter. But  just spell it out, right? If you ask somebody like that,  


what do you think I’m from? Like some jungles of Asia or something like that? Where are you from? Like it’s some people that’s just how they are and you just never know. So Y chip yourself off the starting line, but I say, I like, wow, I’ll look for those points of connection, Lane. I want to find, how can I connect with you?


Not how can I create a, something abrasive and it’s going to happen. This human connection is not about perfection. I’ve never met anybody. That’s perfect. I’ve just met some people that are really good, but I’ve never met anybody. That’s perfect. And so I always encourage people, take the press off of yourself to be perfect.


This isn’t about perfection. It’s about purpose. And so my purpose is I want to connect and I have to be able to read those non-verbals and say, you know what, maybe I missed it there. Maybe I missed it. And then step back and ask a question or find out a different approach. And that’s why having more than just one or two questions to dive into, but you’ve got to be using empathy.


it’s you can’t go overboard. You can’t be too subtle. if you’re trying to build connection, you’re going to have to take a little bit of risks with that kind of opener. you don’t want to be just, I’ve been vanilla, right? Unless you love vanilla ice cream, but you want something with some complexity and somebody that has a backbone and has an opinion.


But stay away from those emotionally charged topics. I know something that I’ll personally do. I don’t get along with most people. I’ll be honest. , I don’t really like my job. I never really liked it. so I can’t really get into rapport with somebody who just loves their w two job.


So that’s always been a hard thing for me, but what I used to do or.   What I do now is I just put it out there. Yeah. I stopped in my engineering dinner and they liked that. And then I just see how they respond. that’s a good icebreaker though lane, because that opens up where somebody else might say, you know what?


I don’t really either. And if somebody is like, they  think the complete opposite they’re totally company person. that’s cool. find some, move on, right? What’s the next like point of connection we can make and  the goal is to get into connection and to get into rapport and then figure out how we can help each other, what are the needs of the other person, And learn about them. You brought this up earlier is. I want to learn about what they’re doing, who they are, maybe a little bit about their family. why is that important? Because later on, when I connect with them again, then I’m gonna have a little bit of insight into who they are, what they do, and you start building, it’s a process.


It’s not  one and done. That’s not our goal. Our goal is for ongoing long-term relationships that we can go to at different points and we may not see somebody for five years and then you see them again and you’re able to pick up and move right on. Yeah. and this segment will probably be like required viewing prior to entering the bubble.


And for those of you guys in the bubble, if you guys get stuck, To say, Hey, I was listening to Lane’s podcasts on networking in the bubble, and I’m just trying my best. I’m very awkward. Tell me about yourself and what is it that you’re struggling with? So maybe I could help, just use that light.


if you get stuck, just use that like ice, but, any other  mistakes, people making it’s very common. Yeah, I think just being distracted, I think distraction. one is emotionally charged questions, conversations or topics, but the other is just distraction. Looking over  your shoulder for somebody better to come down 


the hallway or, into the room. Of course, virtually we don’t have that, but we do it virtually in other ways, by looking at our computer, by picking up our phone by looking at something else. And what’s interesting in this format because we only have this little tile that we see this small amount of space.


We can very easily misread those. Micro-expressions. When I’m with you face to face and a live networking event lane, I get to see your entire being and place you in context of what’s going on, not the case in this setting. So we have to be careful that we’re not just picking up certain, non-verbals and reading more into it than what it is.


But that also means I have to be responsible when I show up to really show up and be there be a hundred percent present. And, They’re simple things, eye contact focused, ask clarifying questions, make sure you come in with some good questions. be honest, be humble. You don’t know everything.


You might know a lot of things and you’d probably know way more than I’ll ever know. But you all, there’s always room to be gracious and people remember that. And when you’re remembered like that, you’re remembered for the right reasons and people are more likely to reach out to you when your services one that they might need in the future.


Yeah. And it’s also, I can think of one particular, he’s a pretty high , profile person in our real estate world. I remember having interaction with him and he was doing the show over the shoulder, looking at who else is coming down. I will never forget that. And you guys come in the above, I’ll tell you who it is.


I’m not too big fan of them. for sure, but I will always remember that. And same thing when you’re in this virtual setting, people remember that type of stuff, and you’re not going to be able to pick up on those social cues that you go down the wrong path on something to pull yourself back.


If you don’t have your camera’s on coming back to that again. And, I realized that there are times that if you’re called into a last minute meeting, maybe you’re not ready to be on camera, but. you just need to hustle, you need to make it a priority and then schedule those meetings so that you can be fully present.


it’s critical right now because we don’t have the opportunity to connect face to face like we were doing. hopefully we’ll be doing that again soon. When this is our primary format for connecting, we have to utilize every little inch micro inch of this screen space we have and make sure that we’re really showing up and putting the effort in.


and I recognize zoom fatigue is a real issue. It’s a real issue this year. I hear it a lot from people. I don’t know if you’re hearing people talk about zoom, fatigue. Yeah. Yeah, another thing, this is more of a technical thing, and I’d like to get your opinion on it. It might just be me being nitpicky, as more of a person born with this technology.


people jumping on these in calls on the call-in number, which is like the worst, because you’d never see who they are. Everyone’s a little wary of who that magical person is. and then even just using an iPad or their phone, right? , especially in the bubble format, I want everybody to be on their computers because you’re not able to navigate and jump into your breakout rooms unless you have the desktop software.


 Correct me if I’m wrong, but I see it as like a subtle thing of no, this is that important. I’m just going to do my own thing.  Maybe be at the at the mall waiting for my spouse while I’m jumping on this thing and just hop it on. As opposed to I’m in my dedicated place of work, I’m going to dedicate all my attention to this person on the other end, but that might just be me nitpicky, but I think there’s a subtle message there line. ,  it’d be like going into a live meeting across the desk from you. And I didn’t bring what I was supposed to bring to my meeting and I was half dressed. for that meeting and was totally distracted.


You would say, why did you even bother showing up? , I think what’s happened this year. What I’ve observed is this feels so casual to people. And because  we’ve dressed down more this year, people aren’t getting dressed up, people aren’t putting in a hundred percent and some people are working many more hours.


But are they being effective in those hours? and I think the whole experience has just taken steps down and then every once in a while we show up, we really need to shift that and think about, no, this is a time. I have an opportunity. This is the format right now. And how I show up now is going to be how others are going to see me when we are back out face to face.


Interesting about first impression, some studies say it can take up to five years to change a first impression. That’s quite. Staggering. And I think a lot of it has to do with so much of how we interact with one another, even pre COVID. and the lockdowns is because we had to, we spoke on the phone or we sent emails or we, occasionally may have jumped on these platforms.


And then that was my memory of that person. And then when I saw them in person, it took several of those interactions over maybe years before I finally started to see them slightly differently. Just like the man that you just talked about, what you remember is him looking over your shoulder. It would take a long time, a lot of interactions before that would shift and a willingness on both of you, to shift that, first impression and how you would interact with each other.


Cool.   Of people want to , work with Debra.  She’s taking her classes soon. I actually might jump on this. It’s every, in starting in January on the Saturdays, she  giving a live presentation and, tell us more about that event. And, you guys are doing some networking, so that’s what I’m particularly  , excited about kind of meeting some other people have that growth mindset too.


And you never know who you’re going to meet on the other end. And we never know who signs up for our programs because unlike you, we just, whoever signs up, as long as they have a room, they enter into the room with us. but it’s called confident connections and we hit over those five weeks. the key areas that we’ve been brought into companies to do training for, I did the training for Boeing for about eight years prior to COVID, worked with many fortune 500 companies, as well as.


Small startup companies, everything across the board, as well as individuals and some public programs. And we’ve taken many of those key elements and brought that into this five week. confident connections masterclass that we conduct. We will have some breakout rooms and interesting. we’ve had some people that have turned off their cameras and we use that as a teaching opportunity.


Everything’s a teaching opportunity. And so I say, all right, how did you feel connected to this person? When their camera is not on. And of course, everybody says, no, not the purpose to embarrass anyone ever, but it is important that we step back and vocalize and really think about how we show up really does matter because I think it’s easy to get fall into the pit of it’s just my technical expertise.


As long as I’m good at that, the rest doesn’t matter.  And that’s the cool thing about these online settings and being connected with this random people is , you likely will never meet these people again. And if you’re trying to work on these skills, what better place to work on the stuff that messed it up royally, then people not at your workplace, right?


Like just random strangers on the internet. I think it’s a great opportunity to nudge at your self-aware and just practice. and it’s a safe place. these are live training programs. These are not recorded that you’re going to watch later. These are live interactive. We tried to make it as close to being in a real class.


Face-to-face as we possibly could. the interactions, the conversations, it’s right now in present. And it’s always interesting that people that show up around the table and the questions that they have, and it takes on a lot of the life of the participants. it’s always fun for me to see who’s going to be around the table.


And what will this particular program look like? as we walk through content, but people don’t leave jobs usually because of the technical issues, they typically leave jobs because there was something in that work environment that. was abrasive for them. most of us get a job and we’re excited about it.


And we tell everybody, and then we start hitting the snooze button saying, is it Friday yet? Or whatever your work week looks like. And it’s usually that sandpaper individual or that person I have to work with that is just very difficult. Because it’s relationships. and so the better I become at communication, creating connections at delivering a better service.


The more effective I am professionally. And so these classes are really fun. We have that one coming up and we do have some live programs that we’ll be re-engaging with this next year as well. But our is final touch And if anybody has any questions that you’ve been just totally off of topic of that, and they want to shoot me an email, I was open to reply to them.


Yeah, and you’re based out of Dallas. So we do have a lot of Dallas and Texas folks that are listeners. nothing earlier places, the in-person stuff. but, yeah, we’ll put that in the show notes for everybody and, yeah, appreciate you jumping on. thank you lane. If I were in your world, I would be at your masterclasses 


it sounds fantastic. And what a great, great, opportunity for those individuals that can participate and grow individually, grow professionally and grow collaboratively. , it’s what business is about. Yeah. And so if you guys want to jump in the bubble of go to simple passive, that’s going to be January 16th, the 17th Martin Luther King weekend.


or if not, she may email lane and simple passive If you’ve got any questions, but, thanks for listening guys. And we’ll see you guys next week. 

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