What are some of those common safeguard? Or maybe not drugs in particular. Cause I think it would be that one off, but other issues into the surface with when these consults with families and how do you protect against how do you write it into a trust? The biggest again, communication is by far the biggest one.
And, but I want to hit that from a different angle that I answer your question in not a different way, but from another issue, critical David York and I he’s a coauthor on our books. But for, it was for trusting the state’s magazine in 2017 and trusted in states magazine. And our nerd world is, are our peer reviewed periodical.
And you got to do annotations and case studies and it’s, I’ll never write one of these damn things again, but we call it Gratz versus graphics. That was the title of the article. Now a grad in our world is a strategy for transferring wealth from one generation to the next extensor grantor retained annuity trust.
So the point of the title was, are you trying to pass on it again, written to our, our colleagues, other attorneys in the state world. Are you trying to help your clients pass on wealth or gratitude? Okay. We took a look at all of our families that again, have done this very well. And one of the things that we found was the biggest deciding factor about whether or not a family stays in harmony, meaning that a year after mom and dad dies, they’re still having Thanksgiving dinner.
Or we have this, the state is saying in the estate planning world that you never truly know a person until you share an inheritance with them because the best families, the claws will come out and people will fireboat fight over mom’s engagement ring. I don’t think it doesn’t say anything bad to the person.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re greedy. I’ve seen a lot of greed in these scenarios, but you lose a loved one and you go through that emotional toil and then you hang on to a personal item. I remember when. Duck hunting with my dad for the first time. And he gave me a shotgun and the use, and I want that, whatever it is, it has this emotional attachment that because of the emotional turmoil you’re going through with that last one, you latch onto that.
I will see people fight over tooth and nail over that. So the point of this is the biggest deciding factor is openness being open with your family and having the open dialogue. And that’s a really counter-intuitive thing. Not so much for our generations. Our generations are getting a little bit more comfortable with it, but you have the silent generation.
There was a reason. They were called the silent generation. They did not want to talk about money. They did not want to talk about finances, include the family. David, one of my partners, he has this great story about this family. He was talking to this with, and the mom and dad looked at him and say, can we, we try to instill our kids, all these financial ideas and how lucky they are all the time.
And we did that recently on a trip because we sat in first class and we made them sit and coach you’re going. You don’t get it, pal, your kids still get it. Your kids still get that they’re flying the Maui that you’re sitting in first class, that there are assets. There don’t act like they’re stupid.
People include them. Let them know though what they’re going to expect, even if they expect nothing. Because then the anger you will, isn’t directed to you, or isn’t directed to their siblings. It’s directed at you. Who’s six feet under and they can jump on your grave all you want. So that the point being opened, the books is a really big thing that I encourage people to do.
And we really feel that kids can start getting involved in some of these discussions in age appropriate way. But his early as five years old, or just lie to them, tell them, it’s your grandparents trust. It’s not yours. No, don’t do that. No. Cause again, that’s our second principal with the first principal of them trusted families as they, like I said, they know who they are and they know who they believe.
But the second principle is that entrusted families. Prepare the next generation for the wealth, rather than concentrating on preparing the wealth for the next generation. And that’s all estate planning is doing right now is concentrating on preparing the wealth without again, the consequences it has on that next iteration, without question, including kids into.
Meetings. I was in meetings with family advisors, financial advisors, accountants. I was told to sit in the corner, shut up and suck my thumb, but I was also told to listen. And if I had a question, I could ask it and so forth, but it was a way for you to start speaking that language. There’s a whole nother financial language that’s out there and you’ve got, gotta be able to speak it.