One tip I always have is yeah, you introduce yourselves, but it’s always about the other person help them out. Like one tip I’ve always followed for myself personally, is help out the other person first, which is why I do all these free onboarding calls to new investors is I’m just trying to add value to them.
In 15, 20 minutes, it’s a test, whoever reciprocates or stays around. That’s what food typically stays in my network for my circle. And so I would push that out. There is like, when you get into a set with somebody or a few people learn what the other people are doing and see how you can add value means, add encouragement.
If you don’t know anything, give them a referral and articles, something you’ve heard, or maybe there’s somebody else in the group that you met five minutes ago. The day before that you can connect them with a way to add value. So you’re not just standing there spying, right? You’re not a model or a statue.
And that’s part of connection because if I’m going to connect with you that it can’t just be this. Stoic stable face staring back at me. I have to give something to receive something and we do with the old analogy of the farmer. You’ve got to go out and plant something before you can go out into the field and look for anything to harvest.
And so showing up. Smiling engaging, asking about the other person, get to know something about the other person. I have a friend a few years back and she used to say, if I ask somebody three questions about themselves or what they do, or the type of work they’re involved with, and they never asked anything of me about me.
I write them off now. That’s pretty hard. So I’m not personally going to take that stand, but it does make sense because it’s really a one-way street. And sometimes we do that because we’re nervous. We know all the answers to our own story. I don’t necessarily know your story, but get good at having at least three good questions in your back pocket that you’ve thought about ahead of time.
So when you go into these types of settings that you can start the dialogue and not feel uncomfortable. Now I can think of conversation. Lane is like playing tennis. So if I hit a ball to you and you let it drop, I’m thinking you missed it. So I’ll serve you another ball. If you let it drop again, I might serve you another ball, but then I’m going to start saying you’re not a lot of fun to play tennis and that’s frustrating.
Right? All right. You’re listening to lane and Deborah, talk about these tips or asking questions, but it’s hard to do anything unless the other person is playing tennis, but you and being vulnerable. Right. Show your insecurities, tell people what you’re working on, what you don’t know, maybe you haven’t heard about real estate professional assessment asks a freaking question.
Because that’s how you hit the ball back over the net. And this is how it works, but it can be frustrating, right? Debra, if you’re not in a place where people know how to swing the racket and get the ball over the net, right. And this is why I say it’s a waste of time to go to most local real estate club events or free online forums, because you’re in a room with people who are all about themselves, their selfish mindset.
And it’s all about what’s in it for them. I’ve curated my group and people who come to my events. It’s a different type of crowd, mostly because I’ve gotten to help the people out of here. The people that don’t fit that aren’t this abundance mindset or not just in it for them, they’re gone. So set the culture in a way and curated the list.
To be decent tennis players here stay as far away, but that’s hard, right? It’s hard to practice with people who don’t know how to swim it is. And then there’s the other side of playing tennis. So then you, I say to you Lang let’s go to the court again tomorrow. Let’s try again and you’re ready. So you’re there with your bracket and I stand on the other side of the net and just bounce the ball on my own racket.
And you’re saying Debra, I thought we were going to play tennis. And as we are, and you’re thinking if you were just going to bounce the ball in your own racket, you could’ve done that at home. And I didn’t need to even get dressed to show up. And that’s what I call a monologue and not a dialogue. When you ask somebody, how are you today?
And they never stopped talking. It’s all about them as you just. Mentioned and, Oh goodness. I’ve been to so many networking events where I’ve had people come up and shove their business cards on me and their books on me and their things and talk about what they’re doing. And I walked away going, that’d be the last person in that field I’d ever heard.
And those people typically never get anywhere. So there really isn’t much motivation to follow up there.